I've been thinking about identity, a little more, that is. Kinda fascinating, isn't it? All live things have some sort of personality, that is, being more or less aggressive to the environment. But we, humans, go far more than that simple ''natural'' thinking. We are self conscious, on our acts and behaviours, alone or in a group (well, sometimes...).
I've been also thinking on how one should identify himself. How are we different from the person right next to us? What makes us different? Well, our past is a big influencer in our believes, therefore in how we would act in a situation. Yeah, it summons up some things, but how is our past much different from other person past? And, for example, how are two persons coming from the same place, (schedules, believes, similarity of thought, watching the world in the same perspective...) still seeing the world with different eyes? It makes sense, the literal sentence of watching the world with different eyes, but how does one start developing an identity, and that being different from the person next to her.
That is because those are two different persons. Even an animal that spent his life along with another, may react differently to the same situation. So if past doesn't tell much about how a person lives in the present (that i tried to explain - it affects the thought, but doesn't restrict that person on being different from what «we» (by default) would assume that person), how does one can describe himself? And, if so, we may notice the adjectives are always the same - Oh, i see myself as a easily irritated person, very stubborn, all those clichés, we know... That is everybody, at his own way. What makes us different? Still, the question.
Well, i've thought on a phrase, that i created; in my, probably second hour of trying to sleep, (the first one is me trying to not think) and its something like this - Find a place. Hide yourself in it. Then find yourself. Yes, that was in english, that's why all this text is being like that as well (i imagine it being easier going with the language i had the thought, than trying to convert it, and by that mixing some of the real meanings of the words).
What do i mean by that? Well, you may had your vision about it, and it may be right, its not hard (im not that smart or anything...).
Find a place. Why? Why finding and not living in the one we already are? Because that one is the place you don't know yourself - or that you are the same as everyone, it is a «comfort» place. It is a place you have not that many doubts, but, you don't have yourself either. The «comfort» place is where we stop developing ourselves further. We try to go along with things that happen, and that's it. Finding a place that doesn't belong to us, makes the second phrase appearing.
Hide yourself in it. Why? Again... Why not showing who we are to a total unknown place? Because, you left the one you were in the past for that reason - who are you? So, keep along, this is being funny... Don't make that many questions (just kidding, do as many as you have). Try to go incognito, because that is what you are, even to yourself. Don't grab anything that you think identify yourself, because that is probably not right. Appear in a ghillie suit to others, be part of the «nothing» that is the ''open world'', don't be a thought on peoples mind, don't be a face on peoples eyes. Why? Because that thought or that vision may change who you are to yourself, by listening others talking about yourself.
Find yourself in it. In a total unknown place, with no one for you to grab a friendly hand, you are in a place that what you really are, your «survival instinct», is what you are being. Isn't that so primal? You may ask. Aren't we all like that, after all? Why being afraid of human's natural reactions to the environment? Feelings are a natural reaction. Thoughts may or may not be, but we are always thinking, and a lot of those are about what we are seeing and feeling, that is also natural. I used a phrase in one of my previous texts that was like this - «You cant control your thoughts, and you can't control your feelings, because there isn't one controller; you are your thoughts and your feelings» - Alan Watts. And that primary way of being, is what we are. Don't be scared of feeling things, don't be afraid of showing your opinions, because that is what you are, are you afraid of yourself? Another interesting question. When we don't speak our mind, we are not afraid of what others people will think, but how we will be seen (i know, it's almost the same, let me keep going). We are afraid of being what we really are, because we hide ourselves in ourselves, and others keep a small portion of it; that others is us as well, by not telling what we want, we are not what we are.
So... All this words to say nothing. We will keep hiding our feelings, we will keep hiding our thoughts... Just think - that in the end, don't be surprised where you reached, and who is there, talking to you - inside your head.